she is INTO me, doesn't she?

Sleep did not come easily to me last Friday. So I opted to watch T.V. until my eyes would become weary and bring me to sound slumber. I pressed the T.V. remote control and wander the different networks our local cable service provider has offered. RPN Network, Channel 8 in our local cable, got me interested. It featured that time a replay telecast of self-titled Oprah Winfrey’s show, which is usually aired by Star World.

Oprah’s guest that night was Greg ____ (sorry, I forgot his surname…). He is the author of the best selling advice book entitled “He is NOT into YOU.” The book was conceptualized for female readers. The author, however, does not discourage male readers to buy his book (Anyway, it is money somehow... hehehe…). This book is also being made into movie to be starred by Drew Barrymore. The movie will be released hopefully next year.

The topic that night dwells on the intricacies of relationship and how to apply the many advice found in Greg’s book. Women from different walks of life shared their experiences or the situation of their current relationship. It is on that ground where Greg draws his notion/advice on relationship – is he or not into you.

There was a striking advice Greg threw to a couple who were already in their third year of relationship. The woman is so eager to be married with this man but his man doesn’t want marriage even he has profess his undying love to the woman. They have been living together. Greg’s advice to the woman: “Find another man who will marry you for He is NOT into YOU. His advice to the man: “Set her free. She doesn’t deserve that set-up.”

The concluding words of the author were outstanding. He said: “It is healthy and very humane to love wholeheartedly. Never hold back in loving. What’s wrong is when we expect things to change even it is unworkable. What’s wrong is when we tend to rationalize things because we love them yet they have not been serious in your relationship. In short, (they/she) he is not into you.”

The topic that night was magnetizing. It somehow tells us to ponder on what’s happening with my current relationship. It shared some pointers for reflection like the line in one of Leann Rhimes song – “ Shame on you if you fool me once.. Shame on me if you fool me twice…”

My GF and I had four break-ups. The three of those happened this year and I requested the second one out of my revulsion. These break-ups were totally pointless yet they had happened. After the third time, she had been engrossed with bitterness. Her heart was filled with hatred and revulsion, which then leads to the fourth one.

It was on the last break up that she had initiated reconciliation after I failed in my attempts for settlement. She had promised to change her deprave attitudes (reflected on her text message, 8:27pm 11/04/2005). We have reconciled and she agreed not to bang me again with mga kasapot ug pagbuod.

Came the third week of November and she is back again to her old self. I wonder what happened to her promise.

I know and feel her love prior to the last break up. I know she is honest professing it to me in words but what is confusing me is she has difficulty to deliver it in actions. I don’t understand that instead of manifesting care and love, she showed revulsion and hatred. I, sometimes, think that she has been playing and had never been serious about the relationship we build.

My rationalization. A heart that is full of hatred and bitterness, receives negative energies. A person who loves yet hold back and have reservations would find difficulty in delivering and manifesting care and love to people s/he values and cherishes.

At the end of the day, I have this question in my mind:

“She is INTO me, doesn’t she?”