How Modern Love Letters are Written

I saw this at the net and i think it's worth posting here:

SAMPLE OF A MODERN LOVE LETTER

Things on the love landscape sure have changed
over the years...

Dearest Julia,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in
love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August
2001.

With reference to the meeting held between us on
the 17th of August 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like
to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love
affair would be on probation for a period of no less
than three months and depending on compatibility,
would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will
be continuous relationship training and relationship
appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from
lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee
and entertainment would initially be shared equally
between us. Later, based on your performance, I
might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However, I am broad-minded enough, to be taken
care of, on your expense account. I request you to
kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this
letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled
without further notice and I shall be considering
someone else. I would be happy, if you could
forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish
to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely,

Hugh




REPLY TO THE MODERN LOVE LETTER:

Dear Hugh,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am
pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your
proposal for romance.

However, you should be informed that there are
certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional
prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please
enlighten me as to your retirement benefits.

Gratuity should be generous.

I also need to be assured that there is sufficient
security with regard to this commitment. If there is
any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent
disinterest on your part, then I should receive
monetary compensation according to union
standards.

Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will
agree that an expense account should be arranged
for my access in light of the VIP I shall be
entertaining. In addition, housing and transport
allowances should be in order and nothing less
than a Jaguar is in order.

Please also note that there should be no
moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you
are still interested in the relationship, please reply
on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have
sent letters of interest.

Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps,

Julia